So why can’t I?

Ahhhh Grazie….

I recently found myself drunk  in a Manhattan subway station and yelling at a homeless man who kept playing “Speak Softly Love” (The Godfather theme song) over and over again on his trombone. Aside from tuning I doubt he knew any other song but I told him to stop just the same. Anyways, at some point while I was down there either me, my brother or my girlfriend realized we were surrounded by creepy little statues of people with money bag heads.

Old money bag face won’t be escaping the clutches of the alligator business man (it’s wearing a suit!) nor does his business partner seem to care (probably holds a life insurance policy on him).

This cop is protecting this bag of unused money from the pockets of the masses.

My brother and girlfriend pointed out to me after these photos were taking that the horse and elephant also had boobs along with almost every figure in the exhibit.

This educated woman is all mounted up on this wealthy banker, apparently men like smart women and women like rich men. Noted.

Anarchists, taking down the entire subway, because they can.

At first I thought this giant man was handing the girl a coin but on further inspection I think he is taking it from her even though he has more coins than he can carry.

After I made it home the other night, I was curious to where that station was located, who the artist was that created it and who commissioned the work. So I jumped all over the case like Encyclopedia Brown on a dead hooker.

Tom Otterness created and installed the “Life Underground” exhibit in 2001 at the New York Subway Station located at the corner of 14th Street and Eighth Avenue. New York’s citizens paid a measly $200,000 for the permanent display. I rarely go to NYC and I spent the entire weekend wandering around different parts of Manhattan and all I can say is that if I lived there, and those were my tax dollars, I would want them to clean up the surface of Manhattan (it’s a complete mess!) long before they start worrying about the dingy subways.

Tom Otterness, a.k.a. Vigo the Carpathian has recently gotten himself in to a bit of controversy in San Francisco. He was just awarded a $750,000 contract to humor up their subway with similar sculptures when public outcry erupted over his 1977 movie “Shot Dog Film”.

Shot Dog Film is supposedly a loop of Otterness shooting a dog to death after chaining it to a fence. He claims he did it to punish his audience and has since apologized for it ($750,000… I’d apologize for him for that loot.). He’s obviously a piece of shit but to be honest it sounds like the contract is firm and you had better just let him put up his pervy statues before he skips town with 3/4 of a million dollars for nothing more than shooting a dog 34 years ago.

I cracked a wisdom tooth a week ago and was instructed by the dentist to have it pulled. Monday, I met with a surgeon who tore it out of my face in what seemed to be a vacant house, surprisingly like the ranch style Golden Girls house, carpet floors and everything. When it was over, he explained to me that it hadn’t gone well (due to dense bone structure in the jaw) and to expect a lot of pain.

After a three day roller coaster of intermittently being trapped in an itchy, sweaty high on Oxycodone Acetaminophen 5-325 or in complete agony, the pain has finally subsided, I’m off the meds and am left with a semi-deflated half swollen face with a vacant tooth socket only bleeding occasionally.

Let me get to the point, if you are ever going to have any teeth pulled, wisdom or otherwise, get them all out and take the week off. It blows. Big time.

First things first, I have to give credit to all the links that have sat at this empty site for so long. I have had this site parked with all of the below links waiting for any bizarre person that might google my name and run across this completely useless site. As a thank you for not making me take down their images or links  I will now give a quick run down of why each of these items were listed here to begin with.

Word Assault is one of my all time favorite rap groups. Vulgar, sexist, Boston based maniacs, what’s not to love. Click on their image to download a free best of album and enjoy.

Nabo Rawk, the rapper half of the two man supergroup “Porn Theatre Ushers”. Nabo has been holding down the Boston rap scene since nineteen ninety something or other. He’s out of his mind and that’s why his music isn’t boring, like your favorite artist’s is. Check out his records on iTunes by clicking the above image, his whole catalog is dope. I recommend Mt. Olympus Steeze but I have my biases.

Skipp Whitman has recently departed from Boston to conquer NYC. He’s one hell of a musician and I hope he gets that fame and fortune he has been after. Click the above image check out his music on iTunes and buy something. (NYC is $$$)

DISTRO.Y is a Boston based clothing company that makes some of the most original T-Shirts in the North East. They have indirectly sponsored many of my projects and you ought to check out their site by clicking the banner above and buy some clothing that will probably get you laid for once in your life. Dummy.